Its Monday and I am sitting in the ER with Elizabeth again. What a goofy way to spend your day off.
This is our 5th visit since she has become pregnant. They are just making sure things are ok. She has been having shortness of breath and after having two previous blood clots, they do not want to mess around.
I am learning a lot about what it means to love someone. When they hurt you hurt. When they are scared it scares you. It doesn't matter who was right or wrong in the heated discusion you may have had earlier in the day. When your sitting in a windowless ER you just want to climb up on the bed and hold one another.
Worry is a funny thing. The 1st ER visit I carried a lot of the heavy load of worry. Each test Elizabeth undergoes has tought me that I can not carry the load of worry. I can not Carry the million worst case scenarios. If I can't direclty fix it... Which is most things in an ER... Then I need to give it to someone who can & trust. I am raliZing though this what it means to leave it in Gods hands. I like to pick it up out of His hands and carry it around like a book bag full of rocks. Jesus is teaching me how to let him hold it. It's hard fir me but the only way to stay sane.
Love is not fully realized untill you are faced with the harsh reality that you may be only a short breath away from never expressing it in the person you loves presence again. I think everyone should experience the smell of death if nothing more than to flush out your deep rarely spoken heart for that person and your relationship. While Elizabeth ends the day ok each night I have found myself telling her my heart more, holding her tighter, dwelling in her presence longer and not wanting to be away from her more than I need to be.
Talking about a life apart has actually drawn us closer. Love must be like a grape vine... Producing it's best fruit when grown under stress. Maybe it only works for relationships built on a good foundation. It has exposed some cracks but those are easier to fix when time is of the essence.
I hope you never find yourself in an ER awaiting an echo cardiagram. I pray you live long and happy lives treasuring the one you love. I hope and pray I do as well. But I do hope that the realization of how short this life actually is sets in. Love deeply, hold lovingly and never let a moment of heated conversation linger and fester.
The reports came back normal and Elizabeth and I are going home tired and feeling that icky hospital feel. But we are alive... More so than when we went in this morning. Our love has grown and our awareness of our need for one another has become clearer.
How would your relationship weather an ER visit? Let the love of your life know before you are sitting & waiting for test results to be revealed.
Just some thoughts from the ER I tapped out on my iPhone while we waited.
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